If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
