all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this boner is exhausting
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
