I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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