Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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