Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
