I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
