I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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