That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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