Too much gin, very little bucket
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
