I love black thongs
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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