What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
