So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
