I puked a lego.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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