I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize