I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
