thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
