is your mom at the bar?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
