I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
