I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
