dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My ass is underappreciated
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
