You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
