Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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