idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
