The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
