you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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