Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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