i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
