Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
