Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
