sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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