Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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