So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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