alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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