Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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