I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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