I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
