The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
