i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
