ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
4 words: hood of his car
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
