either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
