He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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