i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
