Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
