Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
