Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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