I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
