Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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