if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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