He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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