So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
