sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
