Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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