sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
