I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
In America we eat man semen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
