doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
