you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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