I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
