she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
