did you get engaged???
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
