You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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