She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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