It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
