Where did you get a picture of my penis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
