This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
