highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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